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silver_flame_caVarious things to be proud of today...
Such as how I resisted any boxing day shopping (mostly because I shopped myself out buying for others and myself before Christmas).
How I have not cracked open all of my candy yet.
How I didn't get myself involved in situations that are not mine to interfere in. When the ex is contacting you, wanting to socialize and flirt. The ex who is engaged.
And when you back away and stay away, because that is not your shit to deal with. And when he comes to his own conclusion and breaks that engagement off without any input from you. Tho you may have vented to your manager days before that they were probably not going to last, well, that manager was miles away and was not going to interfere either. I'm so proud of myself. I wanted her to get her comeuppance for stealing him away, for flirting, for inviting him out to fucking stargaze and picnic. But at the same time, I just... couldn't. It wasn't my place. At some point people have gotta figure their own lives out without a new prospect waiting in the wings. If you're not happy you're not happy, and you can't always wait for a new old romance to admit this to yourself.
Am I good at reading people or just my ex? Or is the ex just that predictable? I knew when he was starting to get feelings for the shark. I knew when he was about to get engaged to her. I knew when they were about to break up. I'm smug and I really shouldn't be. I'm sure I'm just as predictable if he cared to notice. If he cared to figure out that at some point I wasn't going to jump back into things and that I would have had enough. I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm over him, more that I'm over it.
And for now, that's enough. I've been able to put my life back together, and myself too. There are still massive self-esteem issues, but those date back years and are not simply going to go away because I told myself to be happy. But I can be happy at least, and I can have a job, and I can get great grades in school, and I can continue to better myself because in the end that's all that matters. And once the pieces form a more coherent whole, maybe just maybe I can better someone else too.
Such as how I resisted any boxing day shopping (mostly because I shopped myself out buying for others and myself before Christmas).
How I have not cracked open all of my candy yet.
How I didn't get myself involved in situations that are not mine to interfere in. When the ex is contacting you, wanting to socialize and flirt. The ex who is engaged.
And when you back away and stay away, because that is not your shit to deal with. And when he comes to his own conclusion and breaks that engagement off without any input from you. Tho you may have vented to your manager days before that they were probably not going to last, well, that manager was miles away and was not going to interfere either. I'm so proud of myself. I wanted her to get her comeuppance for stealing him away, for flirting, for inviting him out to fucking stargaze and picnic. But at the same time, I just... couldn't. It wasn't my place. At some point people have gotta figure their own lives out without a new prospect waiting in the wings. If you're not happy you're not happy, and you can't always wait for a new old romance to admit this to yourself.
Am I good at reading people or just my ex? Or is the ex just that predictable? I knew when he was starting to get feelings for the shark. I knew when he was about to get engaged to her. I knew when they were about to break up. I'm smug and I really shouldn't be. I'm sure I'm just as predictable if he cared to notice. If he cared to figure out that at some point I wasn't going to jump back into things and that I would have had enough. I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm over him, more that I'm over it.
And for now, that's enough. I've been able to put my life back together, and myself too. There are still massive self-esteem issues, but those date back years and are not simply going to go away because I told myself to be happy. But I can be happy at least, and I can have a job, and I can get great grades in school, and I can continue to better myself because in the end that's all that matters. And once the pieces form a more coherent whole, maybe just maybe I can better someone else too.
